Sunday, January 16, 2011

When God is teaching you patience a lot of times it feels like something scraping up against your paper thin bones. The only cure is for your skeleton to jump out of it's skin and run far, far away. I think it's because I don't quite understand God's timing yet. Or, at least, refuse to because you know the story- my timing is better.. blah blah blah.

India has a distinct set of colors and smells that can pluck even the un-pluckable heart strings. I want to go back, and I want to go back now. There's no time for patience when you've left half your heart thousands of miles away in a different country. It's where I'm supposed to be again.

And, God is going to give me the desires of my heart. My desires say, "go to India. Be with the women in the brothels." I believe he knows the words that dance around in my soul, and I also believe he takes them seriously. I also believe, that he will deliver when the time is right. And oh, the time never seems right, does it? It seems far away. Or too soon. Or something wrong. The right time always seems like a mythical story. One in which the right time is this beautiful bursting light-gospel choir-dancing sunshine thing. It comes right into your open hands- you knew it was coming and you had been waiting all day. But, it always seems to come when your in your pajama's watching re-runs of the Golden Girls and perfectly content with your bowl of frosted cheerios.

I get it. I have to wait for it. India cannot come this summer and it breaks me in two. I talked about patience with my friends Jacintha and Lori tonight. Jacintha said something I think I'm going to rest on for a while. She said, that God doesn't want us to attach ourselves to something [India], but instead to attach ourselves to Him. I like this idea. I like the idea of taking out my proverbial needle and thread and sewing myself to my God who never fails, and always has it right.

And there's comfort in that. So, while my heart continues to break and mourn over a loss of an Indian summer (no, for reals..), my heart is preparing for the excitement of a possible summer in Vail, Colorado.

more to come about that...

1 comment:

  1. Rica, this is beautiful. I'm struggling with similar things. Thank you for writing this- and I like what Jacintha said too. Love you.

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