Thursday, March 3, 2011

3 am

It's 3 am and I can't sleep.

I put my head down on my pillow...and thoughts race. That familar lump in my throat. My chest tight. Hazy eyed.

One year ago, I was packing to go to India. This year, I'm insecure. Depressed. Fallen off my boat in the middle of the sea.

What happened? What happend? What happened?

This is famous question these days. This is the question I ask God. What happened to me?

And this: why love anything, or anyone, if it'll just leave you in the end?

My heart aches these days. Aches for what once was. Right now isn't too swell. It's ragged and it hurts. It hurts me to the marrow in my bones. I just want to be packing for India right now. That's what I want to be doing.

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